May 2013
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
kidouyuuto:
IM REALLY AMAZED AT KNOWING ENGLISH LIKE I CAN COMPREHEND AN ENTIRE LANGUAGE THAT IS SO FCKED UP
defilerwyrm:
katnisstiel:
deancasotp:
aldora89:
You guys, if Destiel really does happen, Misha is in serious trouble.
I mean, remember the con story about Jensen cracking him up with seductive looks at every available opportunity? He’ll never survive that first critical scene. He’ll suffocate on his own laughter.
If it goes canon, the gag reel for that season will be the most...
cas-get-into-my-ass:
himchanspenus:
Here’s a serious advice. Even the nicest people have their limits. Don’t try to reach that point because the nicest people are also the scariest assholes when they’ve had enough.
Demons run when a good man goes to war.
lizthefangirl:
davegrohlsfacialhair:
i recommend the creme brulee
i recommend you go away
patrICK WAS SO SASSY I MISS U BBY
doeraymisha:
do u ever cry bc misha collins built his own house for his family and made his wife’s engagement ring and cooks with his son and is an amazing actor and a published poet and is so smart and is hilarious and charming and quite possibly the greatest man on earth
because i do
qlaring:
mom, dad. you’re adopted.
nippled:
annoying online and irl
somewhereinwonderland:
harmonysama:
szszsz:
Some fanfics are so good they deserve fanfiction
Some fanfics are so good they deserve a tv series
Some fanfics are just really bad twilight porn and do not deserve publication or a movie
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:
natreidess:
hypohumper:
just when you think
chris pine’s eyes can’t squint any further
you see this
i m p o s s i b l e
At this point I think he’s just taking mini-naps
or he’s a member of brock’s family
hanhaneatmanman:
cumber-bitches:
merricats:
oldmanhoho:
you know you’ve made a good pun when everyone’s immediate response upon hearing it is “shut the fuck up”
#the highest compliment any pun can receive
it’s a puntastic feeling
One day we’ll all be standing around a pun and you’ll have been the one that punned it there
goldshirts-tightpants:
little-goose:
Excuse me but Into Darkness has been out for a week, why are there no posts talking about the fact that Cucumberpatch makes the face that suggests he’s going to steal christmas
I mean really
I HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR A WEEK TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT STUPID FACE REMINDED ME OF AND THIS IS IT. THIS IS IT. THE FUCKING GRINCH.
earthnation:
deodrant:
deodrant:
what do u put in a toaster
bread
this isnt even a joke
platypus-at-the-disco:
loungezombie:
i wonder if there’s an actual heaven and if there’s an actual angel called Castiel up there who’s just like “FOR FUCKS SAKE CAN THESE TEENAGERS STOP CALLING ME”
“WHO IS DEAN WINCHESTER??”
thephantomof:
Casual reminder that disagreeing with a queer ship does not make you a homophobe or a gay basher
mywickedway:
i hope the people who grade my essays don’t laugh at me
givemetrills:
today is brought to you by the word : no
ichinoue:
The thing is… even if my OTP never becomes canon, I will still ship it. even if you write out a dissertation explaining why my OTP will never become canon, I will still ship it. even if the creator issued a statement tomorrow that said my OTP will never become canon, I will still ship it. even if no one else in the universe ships my OTP, I will still ship it. You wanna know why?...
loungezombie:
i wonder if there’s an actual heaven and if there’s an actual angel called Castiel up there who’s just like “FOR FUCKS SAKE CAN THESE TEENAGERS STOP CALLING ME”
just-laff:
egberts:
if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket
you are one of the great thinkers of our time
fuoco-go:
gendertier:
gendertier:
gendertier:
i jUST WALKED INTO MY MOMS ROOM AND THERE’S A DACHSHUND IN HERE
WE DON’T OWN A DACHSHUND????
????????
okay this dog is so sweet but where is my mom omfg
Your mom has been turned into a dachshund. It’s you’re responsibility to lift the curse.
Your adventure is beginning, my friend.
humanofthefallencastiel:
iminshock-look-ivegotablanket:
you-me-and-dickspeight:
I’ve decided to name my boobs Lucifer and Michael so that when I get home and take off my bra I can say I’m freeing Michael and Lucifer from the Cage.
i love how you don’t even consider naming one Adam, it’s like we’ve just condemned him to be in the cage for all eternity
dampsandwich:
vagisodium:
dampsandwich:
im not 21 please dont say the A word around me.
anchovies
great im going to be grounded now i hope your happy
boygrimlark:
scout-ebubbles:
docot:
freddybenson:
leovaldezstyle:
freddybenson:
A
B
C
the brazilian wandering spider’s venom can give you an erection lasting for hours
D
E
heydiddlehiddleston:
hawkeye-i-cuar:
GUYS GUYS GUYS
OH MY GOD PLEASE
